We here at #TotalDrama are family-friendly, just like Leo Laporte’s TWiT network. So in the spirit of restrained elegance, we will not be mentioning the following terms and topics (unless necessary to report the news, or just to be funny, or if we just plain want to):
A recent study of Leo Laporte’s family tree, undertaken by reporters here at #TotalDrama, has uncovered that Leo has an identical twin brother. In a real-life version of “Separated At Birth,” Franklin Laporte—who had been given up for adoption decades ago—was discovered to be living with a French Canadian family under a sewer pipe for nearly 50 years.
Leo Laporte (right) meets his twin brother, Franklin, for the first time during a taping of “Triangulation.”
As a result of this shocking discovery, Leo decided to fly his long-lost sibling to Petaluma so they could meet on camera during a taping of “Triangulation.” Both Father Robert and Tonya Hall were jealous of Leo’s new family member as they at first thought they both might be related to Franklin when he slid through the door of the TWiT studio.
Staffers were heard to say that the resemblance of Leo’s twin was indeed “uncanny” and “slightly disturbing,” as they remarked the two looked pretty much exactly the same. Although it should be noted that Leo’s hairline is receding a bit more than his brother’s.
The chronicling of the disgusting antics of the World’s Most Obese Priest continues today with this newly-uncovered video of Father Robert Ballecer passing gas live on camera.
Heart surgeons in Guatemala are predicting the worst for Leo. Lisa Kentzell is thrilled, however.
This is pure speculation (not unlike every story on TNT), but a Guatemala-base consortium of heart surgeons is now prepared to announce, with 90-percent confidence, that Leo Laporte will succumb to a heart attack in 2016. Click here to follow the countdown clock. For security reasons, the clock can’t be posted on this site.
Sad news to report here from the newsroom at #TotalDrama: The recent California earthquake did not level the facilities at 140 Keller Street as once thought.
What we were hoping for, did not come to pass.
The Petaluma-based headquarters of the TWiT network was not destroyed as many had hoped.
Better luck next time tectonic plates—we’re counting on you to do your shakiest shaking in the coming months.
So this past weekend, I decided to take Mike Elgum’s advice and “lock-in” a potential sale of my iPhone on Gazelle. I know there are other ways and other sites that will give me more money for my “used gadget,” but I’ve honestly been happy with the service I’ve received from Gazelle through the years.
Here’s where it gets fun for #TotalDrama fans: In the drop-down menu where it asks where I heard about the service, I chose the “5by5” network. Not TWiT. So I have—if I eventually do sell my iPhone to Gazelle—actively with clear mind and heart, chosen to screw Leo and the gang out of the referral code credit.
I might need to take a long vacation because “Tech News Today” is seriously grinding my brain into dust with its complete and total refusal to be a professional-looking show.
The only evidence that needs to be presented in the trial of The People v. Elgum:
Yes, I would be looking down ashamed if I were orange and purple as well.
The verdict is in: GUILTY of gross negligence to the art and science of professional broadcasting on all counts.
Greetings #TotalDrama! Just a quick note to let you know that I’ll be back on Monday, just headin’ out for a bit of R&R.
After today’s attack on all of us as mindless “trolls” by the ridiculous Jeff Jarvis and the even more annoying Madge Elgum, I thought it best that you heard it directly from me: Leo’s goons have not taken me away. I will never surrender—even if I have to create a thousand parody accounts. So keep the faith, #TotalDrama. The truth shall set us free.
Steve Gibson hosts the indecipherable “Security Now.” #TotalDrama suspects that the show is merely an excuse for Leo to squeeze Gibson for info to help hide Leo’s sex-related problems.
I just figured out why Leo Laporte continues to air the coma-inducing monologue known as “Security Now,” the seemingly endless one-man diatribe by hosted Tuesdays by Steve Gibson. This show is a near-continuous stream of consciousness; it’s basically just a river of confusing “security-related” news masquerading as valuable tips.
So here’s the rub: Because of Leo’s previous publicly-aired indiscretions, the wife-cheating Laporte is now desperate for any free advice about how to best secure his website, text message programs and other media—anything that has the potential to expose Leo’s legendary philandering.
That has to be the only reason why he lets Gibson blab on ad nauseam until we are all quite literally nauseous.
So let’s just think of “Security Now” as Leo’s personal washing machine for his dirty laundry.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte
So this past weekend, I decided to take Mike Elgum’s advice and “lock-in” a potential sale of my iPhone on Gazelle. I know there are other ways and other sites that will give me more money for my “used gadget,” but I’ve honestly been happy with the service I’ve received from Gazelle through the years.
After today’s attack on all of us as mindless “trolls” by the ridiculous Jeff Jarvis and the even more annoying Madge Elgum, I thought it best that you heard it directly from me: Leo’s goons have not taken me away. I will never surrender—even if I have to create a thousand parody accounts. So keep the faith, #TotalDrama. The truth shall set us free.
