All posts by HelloWorld

Head comedy writer and fan of Mark Milian
Misc

BREAKING: Sarah Lane leaving TWiT – UPDATED

80 Comments

Editor’s note: Ghost Dog has also contributed significantly to this article. So we will most likely be sharing the Pulitzer Prize for Spot News Reporting. RichardYes has gone missing.

Update #8 Sarah’s rep asked us to make sure our readership is aware she will continue to host iPad Today, so do not delete that subscription. BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Lane, the one remaining bright light at TWiT, has apparently flipped the switch on her career at the ailing network and is taking her beautiful blond hair to another gig.

Sarah Lane
Sarah Lane quitting

The editorial board at #TotalDrama is proud to announce that Sarah Lane is headed to TechCrunch as Executive Producer of Video. We wish her all the best and are weeping tears of joy that she is getting away from TWiT’s hostile work environment and headed to safer environs. Godspeed, Sarah. Read more here on Sarah’s personal blog using our exclusive link.

Screenshot 2015-01-07 11.18.26
This is Legit /tear

Update #1 In a stunning development that surprised even #drama the #Guzzler awoke before 11 AM. No congrats, no wishing her well, and no thank you. His only reaction was to ignore Sarah and her life and concentrate on his sinking network:

<~Leo> Stay tuned - we're replacing Sarah on iFive and TN2 with a familiar face. Details this afternoon on Inside TWiT (right after TWiG)

What an ass.

Self Absorbed Asshole
Self Absorbed Asshole

Update #2 We believe it is too early for Carly and it will be Selena Larson replacing Sarah. @SelenaLarson. If it is Padre hosting look for all of #totaldrama to commit suicide in unison, Waco Texas Style.

Update #3 Later, after hearing the criticism of his [Laporte’s] uncaring words, he finally mentions two sentences regarding her. Expect a high dose of bullshit on today’s Inside Twit. Later, Sarah’s top fan mentions in #twitlive IRC that it was a difficult week for him as he lost a loved in addition to now losing his favorite personality. The head chat freak quickly shut him up. (See below) What a guy. You can not make this up. It is odd that no one in twitlive seems to care about the great loss, whilst irc.totaldrama.net is all aflutter. There is also an outpouring of support on twitter. It seems like only the neutered Leo sycophants are afraid to speak. He will allow them to speak soon after his Inside Twit show I am sure.

Dan never dissapoints
Dan never disappoints

Gumbot had this to say, ”      ” The man is a pro.

Update #4

Does it Matter?
Does it Matter?

Update #5 New Host Spotted

Who is this?
Who is this?

Update #6 CONFIRMED: Sarah Lane replacement:

Big Shoes to Fill
Big Shoes to Fill

Meet Megan the new member of TWiT uncovered by Drama, hours before the public announcement!! It seems she has been hovering around TWiT for a while. She will be there for Inside Twit and we expect to see Sarah there as well. Unless Leo is a total ass. It looks like Sarah’s duties will be broken down this way: TN2 –  Megan (starting 1/12)       iPad Today – Sarah (U.F.N. Recording Saturday)  iFive – (Megan Starting Feb)

Misc

Katie Benner tells the truth about NatureBox

11 Comments

The ever-amazing Katie Benner is a new hero here at #TotalDrama when she told the truth about the disgusting box of gravel that is NatureBox. Watch the stunning video where Katie tells the truth about just how non-appetizing the snack company’s offerings really are.

Misc

TotalDrama thanks the Academy

1 Comment
 
Being nominated was an honor in itself.
Being nominated was an honor in itself.

TotalDrama would like to take this second chance to thank the Academy, God, and the Universe itself for an accolade that recently was shoved under the door here at TD HQ. This award is so important that we’re taking this special opportunity to double post on this topic—an occurrence so rare and humbling, that we’re immediately placing a print-out of this blog in a time capsule that will not be opened until the year 2099.

It is especially gratifying to us all—and that includes our reporters, server managers, IT specialists, site programmers, cleaning staff, caterers, security personnel, photographers, video support people, VPN configuration experts, custom coders, and others at #TotalDrama—that what we do (purely as a labor of love) finally has been recognized. Hate-watching is a 24-hour ordeal and one that we don’t take lightly; so it is with the humblest of hearts that we gratefully accept the Chatrealm Awards 2014 “Get the Fuck Out Award.” Thank you, Robert Villegas and Brandon Cooper!

We would like to dedicate this award to Mark Milian and Sarah Lane, without whose undying love and affection none of this would be possible. But we also couldn’t have done it without the support of our fans and amazing commenters, your truly are the rage beneath our wings.

Misc

Behold the luscious manboobs of Jason Snell

16 Comments

On a recent episode of “MacBreak Weekly” contributor Jason Snell showed up to the Twit Shithouse with more than just an opinion or two: He came ready to rock with his gargantuan mantits—all perky and ready for a fight.

Update: In the interest of clarity, the editorial board at #TotalDrama wishes to expound on the purpose of this post: We never mean to harm or offend any of God’s creatures. We merely seek to inform; thus creating a brighter world in which children of all ages can gather and learn together. Plus, we’re pretty sure that Snell will never appear on camera again with those torpedo tits, thus creating a safer atmosphere of kindness and solemnity for all.

Misc

Leo Laporte bows to chatroom demands to cut hair shorter

12 Comments
Leo finally gets darn close to shaving his head.
Leo finally gets darn close to shaving his head.

In the spirit of peace, love and understanding, the editorial board here at #TotalDrama would like to congratulate Leo Laporte on making good on one of the promises he made during TWiT’s “24 Hours of 2015.” Initially Leo made the claim that he would shave his head, but then subsequently severely disappointed fans who had donated a significant sum of money to see just that. Leo used No. 3 clippers to buzz his head, which fell far short of the “shaving” that was promised.

After bowing to chatroom demands, Leo did indeed do the deed, but not before calling those calling for the shorter locks “a bunch of dicks.” One buzz forward, one shave back.

So now it’s completely done. But doesn’t it look as if Leo is putting out a bitter vibe? What could possibly be so wrong about doing the right thing that would cause this sourpuss to be so sad:

Finally!
Finally!
Misc

Leo Laporte, hero of the “family-friendly”

12 Comments

In a pre-cursor to next week’s posting of one of the most important blog posts in the history of this blog, the editorial board of #TotalDrama would like to humbly present to you an early edit of Leo Laporte’s potty mouth from his recent New Year’s Eve broadcast (in 20 seconds or less.)

And please, if you have children, please shield their eyes and ears before you click “play.”

Misc

Mike Elgan might be racist

2 Comments

In order to chart a course into the future, it is oftentimes necessary to look into the past. How else will we know where we’re going, if we don’t know where we’ve been? So now that it’s 2015, the editorial board at #TotalDrama has decided to clean out our video closet and share a few final gems from 2014.

Watch now as TNT host and TWiT embarrassment Mike Elgan reveals himself to possibly be racist. What else could explain his tone-deaf joke about “Hollywood” (but said with an Asian accent? It’s just not funny, Mike. Grow up and join the rest of us in the 21st century.

Misc

Leo Laporte ends charity broadcast with obscenities

24 Comments

In a complete lapse of professionalism, TWiT founder and host Leo Laporte took leave of his senses and cussed his way through a bedtime story as children were present in his Petaluma studio.

UNICEF was the beneficiary of his “24 Hours of 2015” and it is inconceivable that the broadcast sponsors would be happy with the sad ending of the marathon production.

One commenter in the official #twitlive chatroom said:

Litesmth_London: so after $50,00 of donations the cuss filter comes off the twit brickhouse as well? 🙂

Misc

TWiT fails in quest for 24-hour broadcast

21 Comments
They didn’t make it.

In an odd twist to the alleged “24 Hours of 2015” Leo Laporte decided apparently on a whim to end the broadcast just one hour short of their 24-hour goal.

The #TotalDrama editorial board is at a complete loss at why Leo would do this. Whatever.

But it’s not too late if you donated to UNICEF to cancel your donation with your credit card company—because TWiT did not complete their publicly-announced goal of broadcasting for 24 hours, you can change your mind as well.

Misc

Leo Laporte falls short of pledge to “shave head”

8 Comments
Not short enough...
Not short enough…

Update: Leo has cut it much, much shorter

Leo Laporte fell way short of his pledge to his remaining fans to “shave his head” if they donated $50K to UNICEF during his “24 Hours of 2015.” Using a No. 3 guide on a hair trimmer, TWiT CEHo Lisa Kentzell refused to take his hair all the way down to the root as initially promised until Lisa stepped in and put a stop to that. Apparently she’s cool with bobbing on his knob, but doing that AND Leo without his trademark gray mop…why that’s going too far for the sweet and chaste Miss Kentzell.

Judge for yourself from the this screengrab if Leo went far enough—or if he let his vanity stand in the way of a promise.

Here’s a sampling of the irate official #twitlive chatroom comments:

gadget: Leo should have his nose hairs pulled out
Web5140: shave is no hair
Stroszek: Leo sells razors…. and he promised to shave his head…
CK496: Leo, forget Lisa, she ruins all the fun. SHAVE your head! it”s for a good cause and you promised all of us
Pepelluepe: shaving involves a rzor. If he has not used one, he did not shave.

We here at #TotalDrama are nothing if not fair, so here’s a shot of Leo’s ass tattoo. He really did follow through on that promise.

He really did it!
He really did it!