As we have seen from other studies YouTube views offers a great insight into the ratings that the TWiT PR department lies to us about. This image shows a sample of the last few episodes of the weekly show TWiT:
It looks like when JCD joins the panel there is a 25-percent increase in views. When Padre or Elgum host, the viewers tune out. I know what you’re thinking, it was probably the same when Tom and the lovely and talented Sarah Lane were substitute hosts. Not exactly, see the #truth below.
So we at #Drama want to know what you think. How many views will this week’s TWiT get with Mike Elgum hosting? It was a big week with Applle news. Remember, Leo could not be happier with the new TWiT. Click the link below and make your voice count.
Thanks to modern technology and friends of #TotalDrama within the highest levels of U.S. intelligence agencies, a new revelation has been exposed. Two facts that lived in conflict, until now, have finally been reconciled. How is the rapid weight-gain congruent with the fact that Laporte eats salad? The weight-gain—estimated at 2.42 pounds per day—is an amount well over the expected level, being that two of the five daily meals are listed as “salad.”
The first step in solving the riddle was photo-analysis via the latest high level CIA equipment. The process broke down the gargantuan forkfull of food to its essential elements. The results were so outlandish that #TotalDrama was compelled to garner another source to confirm the findings. A reporter was sent to find a former intern whose very job was ordering and fetching the “salad.” The question was posed, “What was in the salad?” This was done without giving the intern prior knowledge of the CIA findings. The result was a 100-percent match, and the ingredients are meticulously listed below:
Ribs (extra sauce)
Jiffy peanut butter
Hold the lettuce
Seven Island dressing
1 Big Mac with extra cheese
1/2 pie of Dominoes pizza
Ham coated in goat cheese
2 Slices of cheese cake
Green ham (shown in picture)
3 pieces of lasagna
Hold all vegetables
*Update* Details are now emerging that the Petaluma Market keeps yearling piglets out back to slaughter upon receipt of the Laporte salad order.
Recently, on what was described as “the most boring three hours of his life,” the Jiggling Juggernaut and #Soup Aficionado was forced to spend some downtime with colleague Mike Elgum. Food was served (obviously) and it was homemade by the TNT star himself—Mike Elgum. It’s interesting that the pizza party took place after this article was posted at #TotalDrama. But let us return to the matter at hand. Leo described the food later to fans as “awesome,” but that wasn’t good enough for the team here at #TotalDrama.
The team contacted world-renowned chef Wolfgang Puck and showed him Elgum’s lackluster doughy concoction. Puck also viewed the damning video of the hideous creation process. The response from the Master Chef could only be described as an angry tirade at the insult to Puck’s Italian heritage. The Italian culinary stallion’s rejoinder was too lengthy and too full of adult content to share here. After an emergency meeting of the #TotalDrama editorial board, it eventually was decided that a short summary would be released:
From [expletive] astart to [expletive] afinish, it was a [expletive] disagrace to everyone whoaever put on [expletive] baking agloves. I saw the [expletive] avideo and the [expletive] adough was prepared inexcusably. [spit] You do not [expletive] spin a de dough [expletive] five a inches above eh de head. You a needa to [expletive] spreada outta da dough and dat meana at leasta sixteen [expletive] inches. He’sa [expletive] pizza was a lumpy anda [expletive] full ofa uncooked a [expletive] dough. [spit] The oven wasa not[expletive] a hot enough and Pizza wasa too [expletive] far from a da [expletive] fire. The vegetables [expletive] were not a [expletive] precooked, only a [expletive] [expletive] moron thinks the vegetables [expletive] needa the same [expletive] exacto amount of cooking as a da [expletive] pizza.
Wolfgang went on to question Laporte’s claim of Italian ancestry, saying that Laporte seems “more French.” [Translated from Italian] “They like to make love with their faces in France and do not know the first thing about food.” The crew from #TotalDrama did not stop there. A team was dispatched to Elgum’s residence to taste the suspect pizza for themselves.
Posing as journalists from Thailand, sent to Petaluma researching a story on hard drive production, they maneuvered their way into the home and eventually were invited to partake of the infamous pizza pie. All of this was documented for the official record. Noted journalist and food critic HelloWorld said, “Uuuucccccchhhhhh! Barf…Oh God, [puke].”
Below is a favorite video I made detailing how a meal should be prepared as performed by characters from “My Little Pony.”
There you have it folks, another day, another lie.
Editorial Note: Sarah Lane was not available for comment.
Well, well they did it again. When they pitched Personal Capital as the service dedicated to helping you understand your money, (not that I had trouble with this aspect of my life) I thought, “Ok, another dumb service to add to the heap.” But when the outlandish claim was made that they won an award in wearable tech, we had to investigate.
What on earth is going on at TWiT? Have you no shame?
Click the image below to see the actual evidence of my #scoup below.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte