The long goodbye begins now

Update: It looks like we have been granted a reprieve for as long as The Patron Saint of Servers shows us mercy. The information below will remain as a reminder of what could have been.
It’s been a wild ride. But all good things must come to an end.

It’s been a wild ride here at TotalDrama. From breaking the news about the sad passing of Erik Lanigan, to letting our loyal readers know first that Sarah Lane had taken a job at TechCrunch, to spreading the real truth about Leo’s potty mouth during his alleged “family-friendly” New Year’s Eve broadcast, to chronicling the absolute shitty depths of Mike Elgan’s horrible reign at TNT… We here at TotalDrama have loved every minute of it.

To those who think that this blog was held together by one person in his mother’s basement, let me tell you this: We are a team—a team of coders, chatroom members, bloggers, #scoup artists, comedy writers and researchers. It oftentimes felt like family as we gathered together to plot the next takedown, the next groundbreaking post. We had a great time and it wouldn’t have been possible without the readers. Readers who stuck by us and helped us grow to unprecedented monthly views.

But the hard reality of paying for an anonymous server located in Europe with a freewheeling dedication to supporting our free speech rights has finally hit home. Spreading truth costs money. And the money to run the server just isn’t there. That doesn’t mean that the need has gone away. The need to tell the world about Leo’s untruths abides. And if somebody wants to step forward and pay for the server, then we’ll take it. We’re not too proud to accept help.

But if that doesn’t come to pass, we adore you all! And it has been our pleasure in bringing you nothing but TotalDrama for all these months.

Update: We’re baaaaaaaaack!

Lame-ass idiot looks for help doing his job

The lazy motherfucker known as Mike Elgan is now too feeble apparently to do his own job. So he’s turned to his Google Plus “community” to get them to do his work for him. Here’s part of the text from his desperate plea:

Are you GREAT at finding breaking news
before anyone else does?
I’m assembling a Google+ community of obsessed breaking news hounds — people who are able to cultivate various online sources of breaking news and post breaking news before almost anyone else.
The purpose of this community will be to crowdsource breaking news for an upcoming ticker that will appear on the live TWiT feed 27/7.

So fucking lame: Elgan has turned to Google Plus for help in doing his job.
So fucking lame: Elgan has turned to Google Plus for help in doing his job.

The Dumbgum is now asking for help gathering tech news, but his “fans” are turning on him in the comments section of his own forum:

Darryl Barnes
 Feb 7, 2015
Meh. I stopped caring about breaking tech news two years ago. I mean unless you count lego mindstorms and Arduino/ microcontroller news.. dammit that’s tech… I dunno sift through my stream. I post a lot of robotics stuff most of the robotics stuff gets more than enough reshares and is usually shared about 20min after the source.

TotalDrama calls for alleged victims to break the silence

Break the silence—come forward and tell your abuse story.

The editorial board at TotalDrama is putting out a public call for alleged victims of abuse at the hands of TWiT, Leo Laporte  or Lisa Kentzell to come forward and tell your story. BREAK THE SILENCE.

We know you’re out there—it’s time to let TotalDrama give voice to your story. We  will stand shoulder to shoulder with you. All you have to do is BREAK THE SILENCE.

Were you fired by Lisa? Were you sexually harassed by Leo? Were you mentally abused by a chatroom mod? BREAK THE SILENCE.

Just use the “Feedback & Tips” button on the right side of this page to set yourself free and let the world know how you’ve suffered. And stop it from possibly happening to others.

Best places for group sex parties in New York for Leo ‘n’ Lisa

New York City is ready for the sex explosion tour of Leo 'n' Lisa following their wedding.
New York City is ready for the sex explosion tour of Leo ‘n’ Lisa following their wedding.

With a hot tip from a loyal TotalDrama chatroom participant, the editorial board here at TotalDrama would like to present Leo ‘n’ Lisa with a customized list of places they can have public sex now that they are no longer living in sin after their fairy-tale wedding in Northern California last week:

public-toiletThe Port Authority Bus Terminal at 42nd and 8th Ave. offers public toilets so they can not only bang with a group of bums watching, they can clean up afterwards.

d28b81_93830be5c9cd4976b268676f5d51f85d.jpg_srz_355_315_85_22_0.50_1.20_0.00_jpg_srzRestaurant Row (46th St. btw 8th and 9th Aves.) offers places ranging from sushi to Italian steaks. Leo could tip the maitre-d $50 so they could fuck right on  one of the private tables in the corner.

UnknownBouchon Bakery at the Time Warner Center offers macarons and fine pastries that Leo can shove up Lisa’s ass before screwing her on the escalator leading down to the Whole Foods.

Lincoln_Center_TwilightLincoln Center at 66th and Broadway has a beautiful fountain that has recently undergone a multi-million dollar renovation. Think wet t-shirt contest but with Lisa’s camel toe on full display.

 
central park zoo weddings 2Central Park Zoo (no explanation necessary).

Best-Hotels-in-Downtown-Meatpacking-DistrictThe Meatpacking District at 14th and 9th Ave. (no explanation necessary).

jfk-airportJohn F. Kennedy International Airport is a great place for Leo to bury his ham hock into Lisa’s porkpie before boarding the redeye back to California.

brooklyn_navy_yardThe Brooklyn Navy Yard can play host to over 1,000 sailors waiting in line to tittyfuck Lisa’s saggy ladyparts.

Mike Elgan doesn’t know what cord-cutting is

Mike Elgan, Internet fib-teller extraordinaire (remember Dubstep?), can’t seem to wrap his mind around answering a simple question from Megan Morrone without being tied in knots with his falsehoods. Watch for yourself and see if you don’t think that Elgum either is blatantly making shit up, or doesn’t have a clue as to what “cord-cutting” really is. Shameful. Fire this douche now!

Four Kitchens Is Done

In a retreat that was predicted here Leo Laporte has fired his web development team, Four Kitchens.

<~Leo> I just don’t have the money

That new red Audi idling in the Laporte driveway might be on it’s way back to the dealership.

“I’m thinking of just firing the company and having an intern do the site. After all anyone can do it” stated Leo during an impromptu between show talk.

“Now we’re fucked, screwed,” said Leo.

Continue reading Four Kitchens Is Done