TWiT Teams up with Scrotum Shaving Sponsor “Manscaped”

“Manscaped is fantathtic!” Louis Maresca, TWiET Emperor and aspiring Manscaped spokesman

As many of you have reported, TWiT has continued their advertising ascent, this time landing the much-coveted pubic hair and scrotum shaving company “Manscaped”.

“I am unbelievable as always, but when I’m not I use The Lawn Mover 3.0. Thank you for suhscribing!” – Ant Pruitt, TWiT.tv

This seems to be in line with previous sponsors such as Roman, the erectile dysfunction company, and current mattress sponsor Casper. So now you can ejaculate on your mattress in style with a raging boner and “manscaped” genitals.

“Before I used this product I often got a jarring reaction when I removed my black robe, but now I get no complaints!” Fr. Robert R. Ballecer SJ

Many of us had hoped TWiT’s very own fake priest Fr. Robert R. Ballecer SJ, would be the one to grace us with these ad reads, because he is hands down the most qualified to speak on the subject. But we got stuck with Leo Laporte, who often appeared unable to find the right words.

“As a registered anti-anxiety therapist in the Province of Quebec, I can assure you this product will not only reduce your stress but also fix your hideous looking balls you pathetic incel!” – Georgia Dow, Psychotherapist

We dispatched our crack research team and asked them to comb the internet for reviews of this ball trimmer. They found multiple videos suggesting “Manscaped” isn’t the best choice for shaving your pubes, but if we are to believe Artisanal Agency’s statement on how they vet their clients, we might just be wrong on this one.

In the end, the reaction from the chatroom was priceless. Many expressed dismay it had come to this, while others simply made inappropriate jokes (trolls!). There were still some obsessed arse-lickers who tried to defend this choice of sponsor, but they were clearly in the minority.

Note: The following chat log has been condensed.

<Dr_Mom_Grandma> Oh My!
<TanDanner> Wow, you did have to range afield for sponsors in this time
* @Keith512 bangs his head on the desk
<FauxPos> I look like a caveman
<Dr_Morbius> The geezers heads are exploding
<Sophia> this is fun
<+kim> OMG
<AZthmatic> Berries
<TanDanner> oh god
<Bender> Remove all hair would be terrible
<Bender> Forever itchy
<Web4466> my balls have the zz top look
<ElderWand> Oh my
<Loquaciousv2> Yea, went there
<Bender> everywhere
<DesertMoon> kim: LOL!!!! Agree!!!!
<Dr_Mom_Grandma> I’ve seen too many of those ‘accidents’ in the ER
<JeepTalkShow> I wonder if they sell that donut shaped soap
<Loquaciousv2> Just one time, clip the wrong thing....
<JerseyFudge> Leo has plunged new depths ;-)
<JeepTalkShow> ouch! that hurt hearing
<BackinPhilly> Did Lisa find this advertiser as a prank?
<EchoSeven> the tv commercial straight says 'trim your balls'
<Web9470> TWiT has been scrambling for new advertisers!
<+kim> WHO wrote this script!
<Dr_Mom_Grandma> If I gave that to my father he’d have had a meltdown
<Dr-Flay> Twit has had shaving ads for years. nothing new
<@ScooterX> Why is grooming/hygiene considered a prank?
<Web7855> "that junk"...
<OneBrian> Does it come with a little leaf blower?
<ericDuckman> matches the ED pill company
<dalepoco> need a gender-equalizing sponsor
<UserError> does it come with a gold plated spark plug wrench?
<Loquaciousv2> This was information I and nobody needed to know
<imadethat2> I think kim should have done this ad....  ha
<Dr_Mom_Grandma> Kim Leo please tell me there’s no picture copy for that ad
<Sophia> that's entertainment
<TSJim> I hope Leo doesn't do an extended Manscaped demo like he did with BREW.
<Sluggo> beats scissors
<ElderWand> There goes the G rating...
<preternat> leo no disclaimer for getting this product?
<User0072> wow...
<@Mick> Wasn't it Rowan & Martin's "Laugh In" that had that button "Whack his peepee!!!"?  We need that button for this commercial.
<ericDuckman> there's an image i'll never get out of my head

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Leo Laporte Explains Why TWiT Is Screwed

TWiT marketing handout (“Our listeners continue to grow”  © 2020 Artisanal Agency)

After 15 years of providing second-rate, and at often times, laughable coverage of the tech sector, it looks like TWiT is finally finished.

From one time boasting about having 14 million in annual sales, and owning 25% of all podcast revenue, Leo Laporte recently acknowledged that TWiT is screwed because sponsors now want proof that there are actual listeners, i.e. analytics that can’t be faked.

Man wins Oscar For Best Underperforming Host at a Sham Podcast Company (Video #2)

Here at TotalDrama we’ve been reporting on TWiT’s decline for years. From the elimination of certified on-air talent to the recruitment of questionable talent, Leo Laporte has continued to choose lavish vacations over investing money back into the business.

Coronavirus statement: “I will not be maligned by these disgraceful statements and slanderous accusations.”

As previously covered, sponsorship continued to decline in 2019 and now in 2020, Leo Laporte admitted on March 3rd that first and second quarter sales have plummeted, blaming this on the coronavirus. However, it is obvious to anyone who runs an agency these sponsorships would have been sold and finalized in late-2019, so you can’t blame this one on the “invisible enemy”.

However, the current pandemic has undoubtedly made things worse, and while Lisa Laporte has shamelessly been spouting “coronavirus discounts”, sponsors do not seem to be interested:

<~Leo> Lisa and her team have pursued more than 700 companies in the past few weeks, with one sale.
<~Leo> Listeners dropped off at first, but it's come back.
<~Leo> I'm not too worried about the audience, but advertisers are dropping like flies.

We will continue to watch this with pitying interest but firmly believe Leo Laporte will retire because it is the easiest thing for him to do.

Update: During today’s episode of Security Now (Apr. 21, 2020), Leo opened up further about TWiT’s current problems to his chatroom sycophants.
<Sawgrass> @Leo - another $480B just passed for small business
<~Leo> well that's good Sawgrass
<~Leo> I'm sure we'll need still more
<~Leo> we haven't had to hit our line of credit yet
<~Leo> but things aren't looking good
<~Leo> we're starting to see slow pay and no pay for advertisers, numerous others have cancelled
<Sawgrass> @Leo - still should get in line for $help
<~Leo> I really don't want to take any loans
<~Leo> I'd prefer to shut down than owe a bunch of money
<Sawgrass> @Leo - keep you staff and it becomes grant?
<~Leo> no it only becomes a grant if you don't make any money
<~Leo> and the owners can't get paid
<~Leo> I love my staff but I'm not working for free so that they can get paid
<LonnDawg> Leo, you could apply for the business loans, Trump just said that people who abused the first allocation of money, are now by his own personal words are going to pay it back, however they manipulated the system... They been caught, so the next round of funding is in play and should be available in the next few days, don't fire anybody and you can keep the money ...  I know you know all this stuff
<~Leo> we'd have to repay the loan if we made a profit or if Lisa or I took a draw
<~Leo> I love you guys but I'm not working for free for a year
<Sawgrass> @Leo - time to retire like many of us :)
<~Leo> we'll just ride it down - we're working very hard to get new advertisers who are still solvent
<~Leo> but even solvent companies aren't doing much advertising, especially on podcasts
<~Leo> as always, we'll do what we can afford to do
<LonnDawg> Leo... I don't particularly like this particular individual because he's kind of testy... In his speech, but the information he hands out has been accurate, maybe Lisa or whoever does the accounting could review some of this guy's past updates,  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgEFrvjnQJw to me, I think there's a misunderstanding, a business owner can take a portion of the money
<~Leo> No we consulted with our CPA and it's clear that the terms were not suitable for us LonnDawg
<~Leo> We got expert advice, I promise.
<LonnDawg> ok...
<~Leo> One of the principals I've always stuck to is living within our means. We only borrowed once and that was to build the brick house and we paid it back in six months.
<~Leo> I'm not a high flyer. I'm not speculating on the future.
<~Leo> We do what we can afford.
<LonnDawg> Leo...  A electrical company I used to work for had the same principle, he pretty much paid for everything and had very little loans on the business, mostly because construction is an unpredictable ride in the economy...
<~Leo> That's why we don't carry a bunch of shows that don't pay for themselves.
<~Leo> I'm not trying to build CNN.
<~Leo> I'm not that ambitious.
<~Leo> Lisa might be, but I hold her back.
<~Leo> From day one there's always been two risks: loss of audience and loss of advertisers
<~Leo> we wouldn't survive either - and I wouldn't want to
<LonnDawg> Leo... that's interesting... Because Lisa is part salesman.... And I can see... Sometimes, they have to be held back for their own sake. :-)... Not all problems in the world can be mastered with salesmanship
<~Leo> She's much more than a sales person, she's an entrepreneur.
<~Leo> I'm just trying to do my shows in peace.
<~Leo> It's a lucky thing she came along.
<LonnDawg> yep...I know that Leo... It's not easy to put my thoughts in one sentence, she is a fantastic person with a lot of talent...
<~Leo> The day I hired her I asked her to tell me why we should do anything but the five most profitable shows.
<~Leo> she convinced me
<~Leo> but I might win in the long run - we've had a great ride. I'm very content.

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