How to be a CEHo for Dummies

Image006We are introducing a brand new feature at TotalDrama called CEHo’s Corner! This is an area where we try to teach someone with the intelligence quotient of a fourteen year-old to run TWiT. Today’s lesson focuses on a real problem: TWiT wants shows without Leo on them, to thrive.

Below is a post from Lisa Kentzell’s amazing  CEO blog, click below. Truly, every post on that blog is a gem and this website is nothing compared to that marvel.

Failing daily since she was hired
Failing daily since she was “hired”

(I hope you clicked that image above) So, this is actually a great example of where a CEO can help a company where the founder and star is brideled by his  egomania. Two of the hit shows the blubber man hosts are Windows Weekly and Security Now. These shows have been drawing in viewers and growing for years. Surprisingly, when the #Soupguzzler goes on his semimonthly lavish vacations and his staff fills in, these two shows in particular do not suffer at all in ratings. In fact, the over eater is often a tad grumpy on his return when he hears the praise heaped on his substitutes. The co-hosts; Steve Gibson, Paul Thurrott and MaryJo Foley are immensely talented and knowledgeable and the real stars of the shows.

In reality, many viewers have noticed that Laporte uses these shows as lunch breaks. He barely speaks on Security Now and when he does he is often inaudible with giant dollops of food dancing in his cavernous mouth. Paul Thurrott stars on another program on the GFQ network that gets tens of thousands of downloads with the thirty-inch waisted Andrew Zarrian handling the hosting duties. So it seems Laporte’s talents and charisma are not the main draw here.

I have an idea CEHo. If Leo is a big draw, and if those shows can flourish without him, how about (drum roll) switch Leo to new shows and actually try and make a new show work out.

The main hinderance is the mans ego rivals his belly in size. This is where you need a CEO. The only shows he abandons are ones with low ratings. The reason he left the GizWiz was because the ratings were down. He is so psychologically damaged he needs to say he is “on the top shows.” This might even have something to do with the fact that Tom Merritt and Erik Lanigan  were let go. Take him off the two hit shows where he is wasted and put him on two new shows. Then you would have three or four hit shows. Call Glenn and your sis into your office to confirm that four is higher than two if you’re in doubt.

TaDa, problem solved, now you don’t have to fire everyone. Now work on getting that wedding done. You do realize if you lose your wrongful termination and sexual harassment cases you will be left with nothing. Work on the ring, leave TWiT to #TotalDrama or learn to be a CEO here.

I'd rather be fat than  coward
One of the few siding against Sarah (Click above)

PS I wanted to respond to father Ballecer who called me a misogynists. I want to respond in a thoughtful and intelligent way. F you.

Mock all we say here but know this. Once you leave TWiT and make him no money you will never hear from him. Never. You will be dead to him. Chisel that in stone.

19 thoughts on “How to be a CEHo for Dummies”

    1. Well one of those visitors is only there when he is not plying trade sucking balls, Ahem Father Bobby Ballsucker SJ.

      You can bet that another is Elgum (after I commented about his persistent using of Super) he tried so very hard Friday to not say Super but failed dismally near the end of TNT.

      I would say that Laporte is too vain to visit, it would crush him. That’s why he blocks everyone and anyone on Twitter — though he doesn’t realize that the rest of the world can still see what the people that have opinions that do not match his are saying.

      Kuntzell I doubt it, she’s too busy deciding who to kick next.

      Probably all of Leo’s Neighbors are visiting, they probably hate him as well and are disgusted at the slurping noise coming from the house and it’s not when they are having sex it’s when he eats.

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  1. Yeah – great post.

    What gets me about Windows Weekly – the ONLY TWiT-related netcast I listen to – is that Leo noticeably dislikes Windows. He barely pays attention to anything Mary Jo says, which is a real shame (she’s an EXCELLENT compliment to Paul Thurrott) and Paul is the heart and soul and brains of the show. The reason why the show works even in Leo’s absence is that the show IS PAUL. People want to hear Paul. And in recent years they want to hear Mary Jo.

    So when Leo claims that WW is “his” show, that’s bullcrap. Leo could leave that show tomorrow and a random TWiT host could fill in and there’d be no impact whatsoever to ratings. In fact, if you got someone who at least was interested in Windows (for or against)…someone who showed at least a LITTLE passion…the ratings would probably go up.

    I rarely tune into TWiT because I hate the guests Leo brings on. The Clayton Morris husband/wife tag team is annoying, the spiky haired magician freak who hosted GameOn is annoying, Scoble is ultra annoying, etc. The ONLY host I do like is Dvorak….and I love that Leo pisses on his pithy show all the time for being so small…yet Dvorak and Adam Curry make out like bandits despite being totally ad free. The listeners give them THOUSANDS of every week just to hear them say all sorts of politically incorrect and intelligent stuff. Meanwhile Leo bans Curry because he was pals with Armstrong and when Curry said we never went to the moon, that was the line in the sand.

    Anyways, with all this rambling let me just say I do not hate Leo…but I do think he let power go to his head after probably 2009 or so…and he’s a one percenter who doesn’t really think he has any faults, so why change. He can’t possibly connect to the average listener any more than Donal Trump could connect with a homeless person. If he wants to host TWiT and do a guest spot here and there on WW or MacBreak Weekly that’s fine….but I don’t think he needs to be in front of the camera so much anymore. His value has diminished a ton since 09, especially when his former TechTV co-hosts cut ties with him and his shows more and more. The only one left in Sarah Lane and occasional appearances by Dvorak and Patrick Norton.

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    1. Seriously, how big a douchebag do you have to be to decide to use Windows Weekly as a lunch break (and it’s his first show of the day)? He ruins what is otherwise a very good show.

      I nominate that the international unit for douchiness henceforth be called nano-Laporte.

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  2. A number of excellent suppositions made by Richard Yes, – non of which can be arguably rejected or discounted if examined rationally in a logical and totally impartial viewpoint. Bravo.

    I am thoroughly looking forward to reading the #CEHo, Lisa Kentzell, end of year report (Growing TWiT Beyond Leo Laporte.) No doubt she will once again admit complete failure that her own posted and stated goals/targets haven’t been achieved by a long shot.

    Will she fall on her own sword; well, we can only hope and pray.

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  3. thanks richard for this post.

    ceo’s fascinate me.

    And as a ceo myself i think twit needs to fire their current ceo/hell spawn and get a new CEO. Im unavailable right now but im willing to help them search for a new ceo.

    I’m thinking ether a pr0n star or a stripper to (spice things UP a bit.)

    or you can just hire any retard that walks in off of the street and gamble on them not be as crazy or retarded as their current retard.

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  4. So you cry about being called misogynists, after writing post after post full of misogynist grade-school insults? Cry me a fucking river, while I play my tiny violin.

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  5. Padre is a big fan of Brian and Justin. If you actually think it was his choice to put the show against Night Attack, you’re dumber than HelloWorld.

    Whose decision do you think it was? I’ll give you one guess who makes all the schedule decisions.

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    1. Every time there is a schedule change they ask the hosts. Every time. Padre is a weird hybrid because he is not paid but he is full time. However, even the CEHo can’t make you work at 7:30-9:30PM without asking. He couldn’t do Friday because editors don’t work weekends for a show without sponsors. If he was forced as you suggest, he should at least call his “friends,” but he was not forced regardless of whose idea it was.

      Tom refused to go directly up against Buzz Out Loud.

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      1. HA HA! Okay, if you’ve got your head so far up your own ass (located next to your giant ego) that you don’t want to know the ACTUAL truth of the situation, then I’m out and done with you guys. I have better things to do.

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        1. wait come back your logic was so great. it wasn’t like bribri and jurbs didn’t start the shit train up by smack talking the move and throwing the fat boy under the bus.

          come on bribri and jurbs put padre in the cross hairs they started the smack talk. rewatch the post shows nut-attacker see for your self.

          just because their starting to backtrack and buckle from their fear of the #cunchshock doesn’t mean their innocent in this.

          but if you don’t like us feel free to never come back.

          nice try but you didn’t have all the information nut-attacker.

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  6. We all know who makes the schedule, she only has about 4 hours work a week and that sis two of them.

    I am just saying, padre could have stood up for them. She didn’t hold a gun to his head. If he didn’t, then he is a coward if not an asshole.

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