New TWiT Hires Announced

Many of us were franticly upset about the shows and staff being cut from TWiT. But fear not, showing a continued commitment to the fans and adhering to the “it’s not about the money” mantra, we have seen replacements already announced in the latest Inside TWiT post. So yes, we lost professionals like Sarah and Amber and the one gaming show bringing in young viewers but let’s see what we’ve gained, shall we.

Will Work for Food
Will Work for Food

Filling the void left by OMGCraft will be Pete. He comes to us from the steps of the Peteluma courthouse. Although not an expert in any particular video game, Pete assures us he will learn if given the sandwich promised by Laporte.  Knowing the miserly Laporte, we expect peanut butter or jelly but certainly not both, this is a business he is running after all.

Oh dear me
Oh dear me

The next next addition, in the mold of Sarah and Amber, is Sister Mary. Mary, like Father Robert, has taken a vow of poverty and should therefore fit like a glove into the TWiT budget. Look for Mary to host a show about the latest, hippest (nothing immodest) apps as well as co-host a program with dear friend Pete that is still under wraps.

Innocent I tell ya
Innocent I tell ya

Lastly we have Kurt. Kurt made a few wrong turns in his life but he assures us that his lawyer #£$%ed him and he is innocent. Considering the maximum allowable wage to pay an inmate (Kurt has three years remaining on a fifteen year stint) is state-mandated at $0.87 an hour, he may be just what the doctor ordered. The “K Man” will start out behind the camera.

Once the #CEHo has this new crop trained, we expect to see more professional broadcasters and editors sent on their merry way. The only quote our staff could get was from the incomparable News Director Mike Lgum, “some of these guys are already really really super better than me., it’s awesome” Finally some truth emerges.

7 thoughts on “New TWiT Hires Announced”

  1. Is that the very same Sister Mary that has been treated for shock after watching Father Robert Ballsucker getting Teabagged by now retired Father Kelly?

    Kurt, I am sure that is the same Kurt that was called “Keyhole” Kurt! He is an expert at picking locks and pockets. He will soon line the Coffers at the TWiT Shit House by emptying the wallets of people watching the shows live in the building and while Soup Guzzler is doing Windows Weekly Pete will be servicing Skeleton Kenzell for LEO.

    You are wrong Pete will be the wrap in the lettuce and it will be Kuntzell serving it up. A dry slice of bread would be a better pay than the rancid lettuce wrap that he will have to endure weekly.

    Any minute now expect a ‘Trolling’ from Father Bobby Ballsucker to defend Soup Guzzler, the man that now performs the Teabagging on him now that Father Kelly has been relocated to a secure unit in the Vatican.

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  2. These new hires should increase the quality of the shows immeasurably, especially after the loss of talent in the last few years. After all, they already seem vastly more knowledgable than the likes of Elgum, Laporte, TonYa Hall and Padre Ballsucker on paper.

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  3. it’s only a matter of short time before predator Laporte makes sexual advances on Sister Mary.

    My advise for the newbie – keep your legs crossed girl, move to Canada and Skype in.

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  4. A little bird told me (well a big bird, Thanks TH) that when Soup Guzzler left the building today he told someone that the upset viewers that have lost shows they liked are like Goldfish, they will get used to seeing Marketing Morons in the place of one of them and the viewers will just start watching that instead and by the time he gets back their will have forgotten all about those shows vanishing.

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