So douchebags always start sentences with the word “so.” A few years ago I was home alone watching the Oscars. Jon Stewart was hosting, and at that time Jon was not such a big shot. Tom Hanks, one of the true nice guys of Hollywood is set to come on stage. Jon Stewart begins the segment with Tom’s introduction, they play some music, massive curtains give way and Hanks starts to walk out in front of everyone in Hollywood and the television audience. I think I see Tom yelling something angrily for a half second but the camera cuts away from him. Did I imagine it? I rewind it over and over (yay cable tv DVR $4.99) and I was right. He was pissed as hell.

The next day I come to work and of course people are discussing the Oscars. That reminds me of what I saw and I am amazed that no one else noticed it. I check the internet to find out what happened and it is no where on the internet. Was it a dream? I scour the internet and finally find it mentioned on some forsaken forum.  Apparently he was upset that they played him out to music (Forrest Gump I think) that he did not want. What an asshole. I thought he was such a great guy, he seemed so nice on Ellen or some such show.

Low and behold a year or two later they are shooting a movie (a very common occurrence on the streets of NYC) of Mr. Hanks’ on some Avenue in Manhattan. Some cretin with a clipboard and a lot of keys is waving everyone across the street. (Usually they are set up for hours with celebs in trailers and only shoot for like 15 minutes) So, Tom is there and I start screaming, “Tom, Tom, Tom!” at the top of my lungs. He ignores me so I scream louder and he looks at me all agitated. So I scream, “Tom wave! Tom Wave!” and he finally rushes an insincere wave. What a fuckhead. He waved like I was annoying him, meanwhile I was nice and crossed the street instead of walking right past the clipboard wielding  freak on a headset, even though I know the permit doesn’t preclude me from walking right through their precious setup. Bottom line, celebrities are like U.S. Presidents, they are all assholes or they wouldn’t be President.