Tag Archives: Einstein

Just a reminder that the speed of light is constant…

Hey, look! It's Marcus Elgumbummus, hero to the stupid and defender of bullshit tech news reading.
Hey, look! It’s Marcus Elgumbummus, hero to the stupid and defender of bullshit tech news “reporting.”

…and the speed at which Mike Elgan makes mistakes is also constant. In an epic blunderfest of blabbering bewilderment, Mark Elgam—or whatever the fuck his name is—gummed his way through another landmark “Tech News Today” broadcast. Thank God it’s the weekend. Mitch Gumbum (his name still escapes me) will at least have the weekend to recharge the vocal chord/brain link and give it another go on Monday. Best of luck, Mickey Gumdumb!

We were going to post a video of parts of the show today, but our video editor here at TotalDrama HQ refused to cooperate. It was all too much of a horror show for the poor little iMac to take; it was last seen booking a flight to Aruba for some much-needed rest and relaxation on a white sandy beach. (Only white beaches are allowed on TWiT in case you hadn’t noticed their racist guest policies.)

CODING 101 – 102 = -3?

Don't ask what is on hands!
Don’t ask what is on his hands!

There are those who say that ‘necessity is the mother of invention,’ now it can be said that ‘psychosis is the mother of crap.’ Father Rob’s unending quest to avoid seeing Helloworld’s illustrious tweets, combined with his unquenchable desire for attention, has caused the world to merit seeing this marvel of nothingness. I bring you today, a complete waste of time.

…and no one cares

….stop acting like a douche also works to curtail trolling

They changed the format, no more coding, remember

Thought that would get more favs

One major blow after another as the world was unable to get its hands on the magical code or see Padre’s Corner. We understand the need to keep this gem hidden from patent trolls but luckily our boys used their electronic archeological skeellz to unearth the coding treasure:

10 Scan DBase /tweets $A:$ZZZZZZ [time* <1 hour]
20 If Tweet = "padre is a jerk" then 80, else 30
30 If Tweet = "padre is a putz" then 80, else 40
40 If Tweet = "padre's a moron" then 80, else 50
50 If Tweet = "padre's a clown" then 80, else 60
60 If Tweet = "padre AND [expletive dbase]" then
   80, else 70
70 If Tweet = "padre is fat" then 80, else 90
80 Block twitter /user - $A:$ZZZZZZ
90 Goto 10

A masterpiece like this may stave off his sabbatical for another year but if the inevitable fortunes keep him away from Leo n’ Lisa it may not be what the doctor ordered. Helloworld was not immediately available for comment.

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