Here’s Leo Laporte’s long list of Apple Watch purchasing obligations

The TotalDrama accounting team is still calculating the cost of Leo's Apple Watch purchases.
The TotalDrama accounting team is still calculating the cost of Leo’s Apple Watch purchases.

Leo Laporte has not just fully indulged in his non-stop gluttonous lifestyle revolving around soup, he has 100-percent committed himself to proving to the world that he is the fattest cat on the block. To that end—with today’s impending Apple Watch announcement—TotalDrama is now prepared to release our predictions for Leo’s obligations to his family and their demands on his cash for their own Apple Watch:

  • Lisa “Kentzell Laporte has her wrist out for the gold Edition watch with red band with gold accent.
  • Abby “No Job” Laporte is opening her grubby little fingers for the light steel version with Milanese loop.
  • Henry “Whoa, Dude” Laporte is going to drag himself out of bed long enough to demand the sport watch with blue Fluoroelastomer band.
  • Leo “Tubscaster” Laporte is already planning on telling the world why he didn’t get himself the Gold Edition (he got it for his crazy wife) but opted instead for the dark steel watch with dark metal link band.
  • The TWiT staff will all be left waiting and wondering if Leo is buying any of them an Apple Watch as a performance-related bonus. The editorial board at TotalDrama holds out no hope for these slackers.

10 thoughts on “Here’s Leo Laporte’s long list of Apple Watch purchasing obligations”

  1. Will the editorial board, the law firm, and other members of TDs multinational staff be getting the gold or the dark steel watch for investigative excellence?

    It would be a nice gesture for Molly to send a box full to the international headquarters of TD. Seeing how her/his mindless posts accomplish nothing.

    From now posts I make referring to a member of the twit dream team will be her/ him, only because I want to be accurate and not offend those who actually give a flying shit.

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  2. Prediction, calling it now!

    If the golden watch comes at 2k then ‘Tubs’ will reverse his statement and buy that one.

    You read it here first.

    And one last comment. Not going after the kids. Leo brings them up all the time on the tubcasting network he has built. The kids, Jennifer, the new Ms. Laporte; all fair game as Leo uses them to build audience.

    It is all in fun after all.

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  3. I would say more importantly that the Total Drama editorial board forgot to make a prediction on which member of the TWiT payroll will be the next ‘offsite-producer’ and out on their ears drinking water from the Petaluma Tidal Basin?

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