After months of investigative reporting, the editorial board at TotalDrama can finally reveal a photo that we obtained of the evil machine that is destroying TWiT. To protect sources inside 140 Keller St. we were previously unable to release this photo. But because the situation on the ground has changed drastically in recent days, we have decided to unmask the device in the interest of truth: It’s the Model Cirripedes 4210 Small Studio TelePrompTer from Johnson Community Television Services in Menlo Park, New Jersey.
This soul-sucking device has been determined to be responsible for ruining the lives of Mike Elgan and Megan Morrone by removing what remains of their personalities through its dark glass screen. The amateurish broadcasting pair are simply losing their human essence as the words scroll across the screen… NatureBox… China… SquareSpace… All these compound words tracing their way across their brains are erasing their spirits word-by-word. (In contrast, the lovely and talented Sarah Lane was able to escape its clutches simply by remaining true to herself and interjecting her own words every now and then.)
Sources have told TotalDrama that Elgan and Morrone’s ultimate fate is still to be decided by the machine. It is rumored that the device may decide to leave them as empty husks that will eventually just move their mouths weakly as advertising messages drift out through their slacked jaws. Technical Director Jason Cleanthes has thus far managed to elude the TelePrompTer’s deadly grasp, but for a very different reason: Cleanthes can’t read.