The tragedy surrounding major disasters is often not truly measurable until months or even years later. Who can wipe the image of the malformed Chernobyl newborns from their memory, babies born decades after the nuclear accident?
So, too, the fall-out from the Dark Triangle Incident remains to this day. It has been 77 days since that black event and one needs only to walk on the filthy floors of the SHiThouse to feel the aftershock. Like all things TWiT, women took the brunt of the blow. Our findings confirm that no female employee has felt safe wearing a skirt or dress since that day. It made no difference if it would be a mini, knee length, pleated, A-line, draping , flounced or pleated—Nada. An unnamed woman had this to say, “My sister worked at a fully-nude strip club where men would stare, touch and grab their dark triangles all day, but even my sister did not feel as violated as when his eyes travel up our legs to our dark triangles.”
There was a positive outcome that should not be overlooked. Thousands of Google keyword searches for “Sarah Lane Underwear” yielded an unexpected result: Underwear companies took note and now the amoral company has a new sponsor.
Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. That is the lovely and talented Sarah Lane herself; forced into a life of selling panties—not that we’re complaining.
There is an irony of ironies in this twist of fate. #TotalDrama has often published reports detailing the hypocrisy of Laporte and the companies he pitches for. Zip Recruiter, Financial Capital and BarkBox are services this man would not waste his time with or money on. Now we have Sarah hawking something most doubt she uses: underwear. #Totaldrama reached out to the maven of all things Sarah, RichrdYea, who had this to say, “Sarah uses this product about as much as #Soup uses a napkin.”
It seems Sarah is not a fan of wasting money on a garment as silly as this with no real purpose. As you all know, #TotalDrama is nothing if not understanding and forgiving, so we have decided to let this transgression slide. As a matter of fact, if TWiT cons her into modeling them for next week’s episode, our feud with TWiT is over.
*Note* Non-employees, who were unaware of the incident have worn skirts in the building. We stand by our assertion that no employee dared to dress in a skirt.