I am currently working on an expose’ on Elon musk. I had down time so I did an official Apple Watch guide to set the record straight. Google fans, look away. Also, Helloworld pointed out immediately when this watch was introduced that the crown/dial should have been centered. He is right, it is oft putting.

Sporty Spice

The sport model is cute, if you’re in high school or an actual full-time professional athlete. For everyone else, get the sport band as an accessory (to switch on when you work out,) you’re not a child and you may wear grown-up clothing like a button down shirt one day. This is not android wear, you must start with the mid level watch. The good news is; that means  you only have to choose a band.

On to the band played on.

This first style is comical, it looks like a watch you get from one of those $0.25 gum ball machines with prizes. And like those rigged machines, you always regret it after you spend mommy’s money. If you find yourself attracted to this style, just get a Casio.

This thing on the left could be the ugliest thing Apple ever designed. You know Jonny Ive’s assistant did that disaster. It looks like a watch you find between couch cushions. The one on the right will smell. Both clasps are totally unsecured so watch where you walk.

This one here ain’t bad. Plain and clean. (Classic Buckle)

Finally, (below) we see a watch that is elegant. The perfect accent to a perfect suit. The accessory to turn khakis and a Hilfiger shirt into a complete outfit. Put on a pair jeans and a t-shirt but make sure the world knows you’ve got it where it counts. If you can pull it off, go for the pink. Me, I’m getting blue. (Modern Buckle)

Lastly, if you can afford an Edition, get it. And if you want to know which one to get, here it is. The red Ferrari of Apple watches. Don’t worry if DBag Kevin Rose thinks you’re a douchebag.