Scott Johnson and Mark Turpin have a podcast on the FrogPants network named Hypothetical Help in which they provide “help” in a humorous manner to those requesting it. It’s a much funnier Dear Abby for the digital age.
Leo Laporte is a joke in the podcasting and technology circles. How funny is that? Every guest that comes on one of the TWiT shows has seen Leo’s dick pic and cunt pic. If you’re an invited guest, how hard is it to keep his dick pic off your mind?
If you’d like to listen to the full episode, the clip above starts at 16:17. They are responding to a question from “William” that begins at 09:25.
When Leo Laporte began the relationship with the bookkeeper and divorced Jennifer, we assumed that she got 50% of profits from TWiT. This would explain Leo’s extravagant lifestyle and how much crap he buys “for the shows” because “it’s his job.”
It appears, however, that she took a lump sum that Leo and Lisa are still paying off. On iOS Today, Leo was nice enough to show us his conversation with the CeHO regarding this arrangement. Note: There may be other financial terms as well, such as ongoing royalties from profits, but we will probably never know.
We thought readers might find this interesting. Thanks to <QNXMonkey> for the tip.
It has come to our attention through the comments that many people may not know how the iMessage user interface works. The recent message displayed in the list could have either been sent or received. We don’t know who asked the question. Leo could have asked Lisa or the reverse could be true.
Lisa Laporte “How much of Jennifer’s note have we paid off to date? Do you know…”
Leo Laporte’s Messages Show Apparent Confirmation from Lisa
Update: Our long national nightmare is over. TWiT has been up and down on Twitch after this post was written.
TWiT Banned by Twitch
Twitch — that’s hard to type without TWiT’s dumb mixed caps — has finally removed TWiT from its platform.
Twitch’s statement says that TWiT violated the terms of service. TWiT certainly has nothing to do with gaming after canceling Game On and OMGcraft. They were a holdover from when Leo Laporte broadcasted on Justin.TV before it became Twitch.
Twitch recently allowed creative content, which we thought might save TWiT, but in retrospect, that makes no sense. TWiT’s content isn’t creative at all; all they do is rip off others’ content and reproduce it as their own.
Perhaps the terms of service state that you are not allowed to show dick pics or cunt pics on the live stream. We’ll never know.
The tall ogre that walks around with his hands on his hips all day instead of working had this to say:
<+PDelahanty> Restarted the streams, but Twitch seems to be having a problem. We'll try that again later.
HERP DERP HOW DO I INTERNET???
He can’t even figure out that his embedded Twitch player that took him months to implement is broken because of TWiT being kicked off Twitch.
Apparently the other sheep can read, unlike Patrick Delahanty.
Let us see what the sheep had to say in #twitlive. Poor ScooterX is having to pretend to have any sort of insight. He’s their most valuable fake employee!
<@ScooterX> TWiT is aware that the Twitch stream is offline
<marsworm> so ScooterX there aware that it say "The community has closed this channel due to terms of service violations "
<BillHicks> did twit leave twitch? mobile link seems down
<@ScooterX> BillHicks: "leave" is not the best term. Twitch pulled the stream for now
Update 2: Our long national nightmare is over. See below for Redis Labs’ response to Leo and his TWiT Army Troll DanLoFat.
Update 1: The reason the site is down is that Leo actually didn’t pay his bill for his website. See the additional chat log below. Leo is now trashing his provider’s customer service after he didn’t pay his bill.
What users see during the outage. No Leo salad here.TWiT’s $350,000 they gave to Four Toilets seems to have been well spent.
The turd of a website has been down since the early morning. Is Leo taking this seriously? Hell no.
<~Leo> working on it
<~Leo> I think redislabs went offline for us - probably didn't pay the bill
<Leo> that's a joke by the way
<Web4635> "Leo acknowledges unpaid bill cause of twit downtime."
*** Tater kicked Web4635 (Tater)
What will <@ScooterX> do without being able to refer people to twit.tv/cal? He may go clinically insane.
How will morons watch TWiT’s live stream if they don’t know the URL? Don’t worry. We got you covered there.
The web “team”What team, Lisa? That tubby ogre that walks around with his hands on his hips before he pulls his curtain to hide himself in his closet of an “office” (Patrick)?
Further Leo Chat Log
<~Leo> no it wasn't hacked
<~Leo> redislabs closed our account for non-payment
<~Leo> we owe them $144
<~Leo> and I can't get in to fix it
<~Leo> waiting for them to call back
<~Leo> it's totally my fault
<~Leo> I didn't see the messages that the credit card had expired
<~Leo> so stupid of me
<~Leo> it's about as stupid
<~Leo> unfortunately they deleted my account!
<~Leo> so I can't get support or anything
<~Leo> it should have been on my credit card - but we'll fix that of course
<Redlynx> That happened to me with my work's Adobe CC account... they forgot to renew it.
<~Leo> ironic isn't it
<~Leo> the big stuff we handle
<~Leo> it's the little stuff that slips through the cracks
<~Leo> they have been sending me emails but they're buried within hundreds of other service emails from them
<~Leo> no excuse
<KBJockey> probably some script automatically deleted the account.
<RevDanOnimity> stoicsquirrel: jeez, happened to me last year, i pay my AWS with a paypal account (automatically, ironically), changed some payment methods, didn't pay attention, then couldn't figure out why half my website didnt work the way we planned.
<PutinOnTheRitz> I'd be looking for a diff co.
<~Leo> it's totatally on me
<~Leo> no my redislabs folder
Leo is too good for normal customer service channels, so he used what he described as “the nuclear option” on the MacBreak Weekly pre-show: he tweeted his dissatisfaction at the company. Apparently, companies should provide services in perpetuity for free — CacheFly/BitGravity/Ustream — for Uncle Leo.
I forgot to pay the bill at @redislabs so they https://t.co/tOu8gby8j4. Now they don't answer the phone. I got your $144 right here, guys!
Leo’s fans are bothering Redis Labs on his behalf as well, such as the infamous DanLoFat aka RevDanOnimity aka Danonymous (old guy who complains constantly and is then muted by <@ScooterX> in #twitlive).
Fr. Robert BallecerOf all the things that never happened, this never happened the most.
Just like his prior flights of fancy, master troll Father Robert Ballecer — disgusting priest with a persecution complex — told another fib on Twitter.
We’re totally confident he took pictures, video, and can tell us who the company was. Right? Right?
Filming a quad demo when it broke. Frustrated rep asked what a "religious nut" was doing at CES.
Fr. Robert BallecerFather Robert Ballecer — master troll of the Catholic faith — wants to convene a panel on trolls for his now-defunctPadre’s Corner.
Over on Twitter, the glutton (get it?) for punishment solicited suggestions, and several people brought up Total Drama. We find that odd, since we just cover the downfall and underbelly of TWiT’s operation and Leo Laporte in particular.
Small-minded Lisa Laporte is obsessed with trolls.Poor Lisa Kentzell Laporte thinks she’s able to piss us off. We’re not mad. We’re disappointed that Leo Laporte let her ride the TWiT gravy train right into the ground.
Does anyone remember the overflow #twitlive chat room? When was the last time that was used? Years ago. Remember when shows would have live audiences? We do too. Remember when people would call Theeeeeeeeee Tech guy? We do too.
It’s truly sad. We’re not mad, Lisa. We’re sad that Leo let you ruin TWiT. You are an evil succubus from which Leo can never recover. Enjoy your sex swing, you nasty bitch.
Leo Laporte, DiabeticLeo Laporte — obese former host of Call For Help — had to put out his own call for help in the airport.
He was removed from his flight home from his $20,000+ cruise for being too fat to fly.
When relaying this to his sycophants, he took the opportunity to insult the state of New Jersey multiple times, presumably because none of his fans are of any value.
#twitlive log
<~ChiefTWiT> Im here in spirit
<@Mick> welcome ChiefTWiT !!!
<~ChiefTWiT> Stuck in Newark
<@Mick> Ahhh, does it look just like the armpit of the nation ChiefTWiT ?
<@Keith512> was there snow or something
<~ChiefTWiT> Sorta Mick
<Error> Newark! I sooo sorry for you....
<~ChiefTWiT> There are pretty parts of New Jersey
<WIguy> ChiefTWiT, uh oh thats not good, for how long
<~ChiefTWiT> Just haven't seen them
<~ChiefTWiT> Did you see my tweet?
<Error> Jersey is mostly SWAMP
<~ChiefTWiT> We are on a 530 flight
<@Mick> yeah haha
<~ChiefTWiT> We got on earlier flight, but they kicked us off for being overweight
Snagged an earlier @VirginAmerica flight on standby, comfortably settled in, then kicked off because the plane was overweight! Ouch.
It was recently pointed out to us that Lisa is too stupid to even spell the word “Caribbean” and has been tweeting her displeasure at a fake account instead of the real one.
Pricing for the same ship during next year’s New Year’s Eve cruise.Lisa Kentzell Laporte — who you may remember is the CeHO of an operation called TWiT — is on a luxury cruise this week.
However, the included food is not to her liking, so she’s either trying to make Royal Caribbean as miserable as a TWiT viewer or she’s trying to get a free cruise.
We’re not sure, but we wonder if Lisa has committed libel against Royal Caribbean when she labeled their food “rancid”.
Libel Definition
noun
Law.
defamation by written or printed words, pictures, or in any form other than by spoken words or gestures.
the act or crime of publishing it.
a formal written declaration or statement, as one containing the allegations of a plaintiff or the grounds of a charge.
anything that is defamatory or that maliciously or damagingly misrepresents.
Rancid Definition
adjective
having a rank, unpleasant, stale smell or taste, as through decomposition, especially of fats or oils: rancid butter.
(of an odor or taste) rank, unpleasant, and stale: a rancid smell.
offensive or nasty; disagreeable.
She might be able to get off on number three by saying it’s subjective, but you can be the judge if this is the way a CeHO should handle her business onboard a ship while inhabiting a luxury two-story cabin with high speed internet access in the middle of the ocean.
Take a look at this shit.
Thankfully she got Daddy to take her to an expensive upcharge restaurant on-board to get some Chef Boyardee which was more to her liking.
I’m the new News Director.Possibly racist Megan Morrone will no longer have to do two redundant newscasts a day. Instead, Tech News Today with Jason and Megan will move to TN2’s 4PM timeslot and TN2 — the show created because Sarah Lane hated Mike Elgan — will die.
Coding 101, home of the liar and fake coder Father Robert Ballecer — which used to feature the fat sack of shit pretending to program and failing to be able to use GitHub — will no longer be on the air after December 21, 2015. Lou is out of a job, except that Lisa claims he will be sprinkled around on other shows, just like Shannon Morse, Justin Robert Young, and Chad Johnson. Does that make Lou an offsite producer now?
IRS don’t got shit on me.Before You Buy, the show Leo uses to execute his questionable IRS tax evasion maneuvers — purchasing toys as business expenses — will end December 18, 2015. Instead, these questionable business expenses will appear on every fucking show just like they do now. Leo will continue to say “Look what I just bought before my next cruise, you poors” on every show he hosts, so the IRS should still be OK with this.
Megan does not look like this.iFive, the show that people only watched to see the beautiful Sarah Lane deliver snarky quips about new apps and tips for iOS, is DOA as of today, December 16, 2015. iFive was handed over to Megan Morrone — did you know she’s a mommy? — when Sarah Lane left for greener pastures, but nobody wants to listen to Megan and they certainly don’t want to see her. iFive’s success under Sarah even spawned a copycat show “Android App Arena” hosted by Jason. We don’t yet know if this show will meet the axe in 2016.
We find it hard to believe that CeHO is cancelling shows with active ads. How will the money collector pay for his next cruise? We certainly hope they will not take the unethical step of pointing the RSS feeds for the failed shows to active shows in order to fraudulently get downloads from prior subscribers. We will report if this happens.
Fr. Robert BallecerFather Robert Ballecer — aka FMCP — will be expanding not only his massive gut, but also his show Know How, to two days. One show will be released Monday but recorded out of view of the public. The traditional Thursday live show will continue.
Hey dummy, wanna help me fill time before a bed sheet ad?TWiT claims they will be covering many “marquee tech events” such as CES, Developerweek, Mobile World Congress, SXSW, and “more.” However, TWiT’s full-time hosting staff consists of Leo plus Megan and Jason, so we’re not sure who’s going to do that. We assume they’ll send out the fat priest to jiggle his neck and grin into the camera.
Possibly, TWiT may have actual professionals like Scott Johnson jam a TWiT-branded microphone into people’s faces, pretending to represent the advertising machine masquerading as a technology podcasting network.
Exposing The Dark Underbelly of TWiT, Leo Laporte, and Failed CEO Lisa Laporte
