All posts by The New Jeff Jarvis

Leo Laporte Turns Off Chat Because He’s Shamed by a Chatter While Discussing His Tesla

Leo is a proud member of the One Comma Club.
Leo is a proud member of the One Comma Club.

Leo was doing his This Week in Tesla show when a chatter complained about his ostentatious show of wealth — even though he leases everything and isn’t actually wealthy like Jason Calacanis.

Leo didn’t appreciate this and shut off the chat, causing the sheep to descend on <Eddy> like rabid wolves when Uncle Leo could no longer see their input. How many more were shouting into the void is unknown.

Leo Laporte Has a Bad Morning (Live Stream Fail)

Leo Laporte’s TWiT network is well-known for its epic live stream fails, ranging from dick pics, vagina pics, and possibly career-ending interviews.

This morning’s live stream attempt — seen above — is five minutes of pure bliss. Watch Leo try to manage a live stream through various fuckups.

It gets so bad that, on his family-friendly network, Leo says:

“Fuuuuuuuuck. I have explained this about a thousand times.”

— Leo Laporte

Leo Laporte Discusses His Expensive Meat and Beef Anuses

Trigger Warning: Watching more than 10 seconds of this video may cause you to experience strong feelings of hatred.

Fat man on a regular-sized couch.
Fat man on a regular-sized couch.

Leo Laporte loves only one thing more than himself and cruises, and that’s eating.

You can listen to him describe his $75/oz steaks and hot dog preferences in the video above.

He apparently strokes out about halfway through, but he makes a full recovery. Thank God.

Is Leo Laporte Describing Himself or Donald Trump?

Leo having a realization.
Leo having a realization.

Leo Laporte described himself for several minutes while intending to describe Donald Trump, as you can see in the video above.

Perhaps he’s going to make TWiT great again by building a wall between him and Total Drama, and he’ll make Andrew Zarian pay for it.

Leo Laporte Complains About Costs for Shows While Bragging About Buying Scalped Broadway Tickets

Fuck you. How do ya like that?
Fuck you. How do ya like that?

#Soup says he can’t afford Windows Weekly coverage from Moscone due to union workers, but he can afford last minute plane tickets and scalped show tickets to see Hamilton in New York.

These two things are said mere minutes apart. Watch his clock.

Mary Jo Foley is unimpressed.

Leo Laporte is an Elite Hacker

Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

Leo Laporte — radio DJ who discovered he could fool people into thinking he was a geek — gave out his wiki’s address, running on his Mac Pro at his home, live on This Week in Google.

What followed was a series of rapid edits, much to everyone’s amusement. The wiki was unauthenticated, and collaborative editing is the purpose of a wiki.

Even though nobody who edited his wiki did anything wrong, he decided to threaten those who visited his public wiki, which you can see in the video above.

During the This Week in Tech pre-show, he claimed his wiki and Minecraft server functioned as a honeypot, while Jason C. Cleanthes (EffenDumb) did his dumb fake laugh and talked over Leo Laporte constantly.

Here’s the best part: Leo’s lie about getting people’s IPs is as transparent as Father Robert Ballecer’s lies, because the wiki he was running is open source. There is no logging of IP addresses.

The request logging uses this format:

:method :url :status :res[content-length] - :response-time ms

Examples:

GET /welcome-visitors.html 200 3103 - 59.461 ms
GET /style.css 200 7501 - 17.738 ms
GET /theme/style.css 200 0 - 25.627 ms

“So… nice job.”
— Leo Laporte

Furthermore, did a law enforcement entity give Leo Laporte subpoena powers? Can he now connect IPs to people? If so, what unlawful activity is Officer Laporte investigating? Editing a public, unauthenticated wiki to include content he would rather not be there?

Father Robert Ballecer’s Conscience Interrupts Ad Read from CES

Father Robert Ballecer, supposed priest and Jesuit, shilled ads all day long for Leo Laporte at CES until his voice became strained. Finally, in one ad read, his conscience got the better of him and provided us with a moment of brief amusement.

Sexist Leo Laporte Degrades Women During This Week in Google

Take in the view, ladies
Take in the view, ladies

Famously sexist Leo Laporte tore into women as a whole with the aid of his Google apologist friend, Jeff Jarvis, on their weekly shitshow This Week in Google.

In the video above, you can watch Leo and Jeff ridicule the idea that women might carry hard drives in their purses. He says they carry lipstick instead, unlike Uncle Leo.

Even the chat room was disgusted. <sloMo> had this to say, before he was muted, more than likely.

<sloMo> my daughters have had terabytes in the purses FOR YEARS ... you fellas are SO behind the times

“Kayla J” and “Luke the Photo Guy” were similarly unimpressed and took to twitter to voice their concerns. Will Leo never learn?

Megan Morrone’s Non-Existent $9 iPhone Payment Plan

Megan's $9/mo iPhone Upgrade Program
Megan’s $9/mo iPhone Upgrade Program
Megan Morrone stated on Tech News Today that she enrolled her child — did you know she’s a mommy?? — in the “iPhone Forever” program at $9/month.

That didn’t sound right to us. She’d only be paying $108 per year. Who wouldn’t hop on that deal? Well, it turns out that deal doesn’t exist.

Apple’s plan starts at $32.41/month. Sprint’s plan, which is actually called iPhone Forever, starts at $26.39.

Megan actually uses Sprint, by the way. How dumb is that?

So, none of what Megan said made any sense. We figured she just misspoke, but she repeated the same nonsensical garbage on iOS Today days later.

Is her $9 plan the carrier’s phone insurance? Is her plan to throw the child’s phone into the Petaluma Turning Basin — the one that TWiT made OMGChad drink from — every 11 months? “Oops. I lost it. Tee hee!”

Additionally, what’s up with Megan being a total iOS snob? She never used an iOS device in her life before starting at TWiT only a little over a year ago?

Leo Laporte Puts Jason C. Cleanthes (EffenDunn) In His Place

Scary weirdo, Jason C. Cleanthes
DERP

The scary weirdo that had a TWiT tattoo before he ever worked at TWiT — Jason C. Cleanthes aka EffenDunn aka EffenDumb — was finally put in his place by Leo Laporte.

You must first understand the timeline. Leo fired Chad and Jason Howell became his producer. Then Leo fired Mike Elgan and Jason Howell was “promoted” to hosting duties of the flagging Tech News Today.

This left Leo Laporte with no choice but to make EffenDumb his producer, where he fucks up daily.

Jason C. Cleanthes was a scary weirdo who resided in the #twitlive chatroom 24/7, as he does to this day, and as previously mentioned, got a TWiT tattoo. He begged Leo for a job long enough and Leo saw that the sad sack of a man had no better prospects. Let’s face it: not many talented people are willing to live in Peatluma and work for Leo Laporte (except for Anthony Nielsen).

EffenDumb has been taking more personal risks lately and has been giving himself a lower third for each show, when in reality, Leo clearly wishes he would shut the hell up. Watch Leo’s face any time EffenDumb breaks into a show to make a comment. Leo grimaces, but he can’t fire EffenDumb. Who would replace him?

They deserve each other; it’s hilarious.

Bonus EffenDumb Picture

EffenDumb when he had hair
EffenDumb when he had hair