TotalDrama in talks with a psychologist to help discover the truths of the universe

We can't get enough of the shit on TWiT.TotalDrama is in talks with a psychologist to help us plumb the depths of a few universal questions that have plagued mankind since the dawn of humanity. We plan on publishing a book detailing our findings in the Spring of 2021. But until then, commenters can help us with their thoughts on these vexing conundrums:

  • Why does Leo Laporte insist on eating himself to an early grave?
  • Why would Jason C. Cleanthes choose a Twitter handle that sounds like “Fucking Dumb?”
  • Why does Lisa “Kentzell” Laporte think that her bangs work for her?
  • Would Tonya Hall and Father Robert Ballecer ever consider going grocery shopping together to save on the cost of the 18-wheeler?
  • Is there a deeper conspiracy behind Lisa treating Amber MacArthur like shit when Amber was fired after many years of loyal service (besides Lisa just being an evil cunt?)
  • Is there any chance that Mike Elgan can deliver an entire sentence without stuttering and stammering like an old Chevy truck trying to start up cold on a frigid Alaska morning?
  • How much longer until the receptionist at the Shithouse asks Chad Johnson, “Um, excuse me? Do you have an appointment?”
  • Why has #EdieReingold forsaken us?

8 thoughts on “TotalDrama in talks with a psychologist to help discover the truths of the universe”

  1. 1. This the only one I feel I can answer to a reasonable medical certainty. Keep in mind I have never examined Mr. LaPorte either in my offices or anywhere else

    The patient Mr. LaPorte is symptomatic of clinical depression complaining of regrets while fucking over his now ex-wife Jennifer who gave the patient 2 children and cared for him and the children and the family home. Mr. LaPorte has a history of dealing with feelings of guilt by overeating. The patient also has stated he has manifested his quilt by banging several of his employees. He was not gender specific on this issue.

    The patient also mentions that he is unhappy with his current marriage but is rather pleased his current wife did not have counsel reveiw the pre-nuptual documents. He is fearful to voice his concerns over the lost revenue his company is experiencing with his wife in total control.

    In summary Mr. Laporte is sad and not unlike an alcoholic drowns his troubles in soup and a sandwich and a salad and some taytos and various candies in order get him home for his evening meals.

    Suggest follow up in 6 weeks and continued current medications.

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  2. Leo is a spoiled child and Yoko is his mommy. No, seriously watch their creepy interactions together, Yoko is mommy, plus it totally explains the onesie Leo wore NYE. On to the questions:

    1. What spoiled Leo wants spoiled Leo gets it’s the only control he has anymore.

    2.Because being ironic is cool. Hurr, Hurr. Derp. (It’s ironic He thinks his nick is ironic. LOL!)

    3.They hide forehead wrinkles.

    4. They should order in and split the delivery charge.

    5. First step in gaining influence and control over your victim, separate them from all the people that support and care about them (friends, family) so the only one left to turn to is the Manipulator.

    6. Maybe with some Wildwood weed.

    7. Yesterday?

    8. He got a clue?

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  3. LaPortly’s outrageous treatment of his employees is borne from an attempt to control his surroundings and keep the status quo. If we begin to look deeply into his overeating we would uncover the underlying psychosis developed from a childhood trauma; perhaps a caring mother denying a late night snack.

    LaPortly is aware of the cultural bias against the obese person, therefore he must seek to repress any confrontation or investigation; he cannot allow analysis of his actions.

    Fear of the female controller may shine light on his misogynist treatment of women, from Sarah Lane to Amber MacArthur.

    LaPortly’s previous relationships have all been with emotionally strong, intelligent, honest women who have reacted with kindness and understanding, even when substantially wronged.

    Yet his new wife takes on the role of the enabler, a shrill shrieking shrew who supports LaPortly’s ego whilst secretly scheming to gain a share of TWiT.

    In some ways I feel sorry for LaPortly. Everything he has built over the last 30 years is being dismantled and taken from him. Yes, this result has been caused by his own actions, but I cannot take any pleasure in witnessing this breakdown of a fellow man however disconnected from reality he may be.

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  4. Mr. Laporte, an inveterate narcissist, is wallowing deep in the throes of a mid-life crisis: his prostate constantly reinforces his sense of mortality (soon, a world without Leo–death is just so unfair). His self-indulgence (power, toys, women, toy women, etc.) helps anesthetize him from the grim, impending reality.

    Just thinkin’ and rest begards.

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